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Quest
...for April



Strange,

    how in her quiet manner

        she comforted me--

                and yet,

    how disquieting...

Perhaps

    I am too wary,

        too close yet to what has been--

    but--

        dare I try again?

            I think not.



For it is hard

    to travel a path

        one has done before,

    knowing full well where it leads--

                to a crossroad,

            where I must take one path,

        and, invariably,

                she another...

    Many times I have reached this junction;

    each time choosing a different path

        than before,

            thinking this is the one...



But, somehow,

    we chose different paths--

                and

            she would depart,

                bitter, hurt, withdrawn--

    I have learned to accept

        the pain of departure;

                and

                    not to seek a companion

                        for life's winding path...

Instead, I welcome what friendship

    may come my way,

            and rejoice in memory

        that it was,

            once it has gone--

    for,

        at least the fact

            of what was

                    can never depart...

I would cherish,

    and never ask--for it is better

        that one be lonely

            than two be hurt...

Yet, I am disquieted,

    uneasy,

        for she has brought peace,

                    and I, her:

Without love,

    companionship is but an empty dream;

                its pursuit futility--

            hurting the one receiving,

        leaving the giver

                more alone than ever...



Can I give love?

    I know not--

Yet, one must learn by history

            or be doomed to repeat its mistakes--

    --dare I try again?


                                   November 11, 1974

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