The Pedophiles: 1957-1959

Final Fantasy

We were trained from the beginning by Mary Anne and Ray to be slaves - not just sex slaves, but total slaves; to submit to any adult to whom we were rented, to perform whatever task they demanded of us without question, without resistance. Anything less than complete and immediate obedience was ruthlessly, methodically punished.

The "training" was brutal; if we did not obey, the adults tortured us by tying us down and tightening c-clamps on our finger and toe nails as well as other nerve centers; sometimes they used some kind of electrical device and administered excruciating electrical shocks to our genitals and nipples; other times they used cattle prods.

Each time they punished us, they informed my maternal grandfather, Art - who then administered his own special beatings and torture.

Inversely, obedience was rewarded, well rewarded - food, trips to parks, movies - during which we were treated like royalty, and not only allowed, but encouraged to ask for whatever we wanted - which almost always was granted.

This treatment - along with their constant reminders that we were to never say a word for fear of far worse punishment - worked well, very well.

After Easter of 1957, we were deemed "fully trained" - and were rented out to pedophiles who were not members of the cult. We were warned not to say anything about what "The Family" had done with us, even though the "others" would have us do - and do to us - similar things.

The new pedophiles picked us up late one evening, and drove us across town to a house where we'd never been taken before. None of the people there were people we had seen before; not the adults, and not the two girls who were slightly older than me; nine or ten years old at the most.

They took Peggy and me into the back bedroom, and the others followed. There was a large doll house, several dolls, a small table, a toy tea set, and a toy doctor's bag on one side of the room; a bed towards the center; and a large movie camera on the other side.

The adults ordered all of us children to sit down and listen since they were going to film a movie, and each of us had roles to play in it. Peggy and I, and the other two girls sat down quietly - and were told that the script was the girls were to be "playing house" - and that I was to come into the room when signalled, and do whatever the two older girls said. Peggy was instructed to obey them from the start.

The adults stood to one side by the camera; I was taken into the hallway. The girls started playing with the doll house and dolls as the camera was turned on; the older two girls - after a few minutes - took the toy doctor set and, with my sister, pretended to play doctor with the dolls.

That was when I was told to enter the room and "play along" with whatever the older two girls told me to do.

I went into the room, and the oldest of the two "asked" me to come and play doctor with them and the dolls - I did. Soon, though, the younger of the two said "let's play doctor for real", and started undressing. The older girl also undressed, and told me and Peggy to undress.

Looking back, I can see that the two older girls were also "well trained" and knew what was expected of them. The "session" was a thin ploy to film children - me, Peggy, and the two girls - having oral sex and intercourse with each other.

After a while - a long while - the oldest girl suggested we "sleep", and all of us crawled onto the bed. As we did, she whispered to Peggy and me that we had to pretend to sleep. We did.

The adults filmed for a few moments more, then turned off the camera and left the room, returning a few minutes later with soda, sandwiches, milk, and cookies. They told us we did well, and left the room again.

We sat down at the small table and started eating; a few minutes later the younger of the two girls asked us if we'd ever done anything like this before.

Peggy and I remembered very well what we'd been told; and told them no. They kept prying, asking us what we had thought about each thing we had done and had done to us - Peggy and I both told them it was "fun" - it was not - but we both had been instructed to say that, trained very thoroughly to make it appear we enjoyed sexual activity with anyone - receiving repeated beatings when we failed to "look sexy, look happy, look like it is fun" goes far towards learning how "behave."

They asked us if we'd ever done sex before, since we did "so good"; again, we told them no. After a while, they stopped asking, and the older one got up and left the room. A few minutes later, she returned with the adults.

The adults told us we had done very well and that they were very happy with us - and then said they'd take us home.

We didn't find out until after we were returned that it had been a test; the oldest man of the group walked up to Art and told him that we had said absolutely nothing, and had denied all prior sexual experiences.

He simply told him "I train them well." The man agreed, and mentioned how much safer it was to have "trained ones" instead of having to take chances with "stray kids" - paid him some money, and left. That weekend, as a reward, we were taken to the Santa Cruz boardwalk and encouraged to ride every ride we could, and eat anything we wanted.

They reminded us we could always be treated this well as long as we did whatever the adults we were rented to wanted.

Adults can want very strange things. We were "rented out" once a month on average for a little more than two years; my mother and stepfather were told that by Art that he and Mary Anne were simply taking us to parks, movies, and so on so that she and my stepfather could have some time alone together.

One set of adults - two men, three women - rented us to beat them. They'd strip and redress in various black leather gear, then have Peggy and me beat them bloody with whips and rods; after which they'd lick the blood off each other and then rut with each other - sometimes having us beat them while they were having intercourse. Yet, they never physically or sexually ever touched us. It was, it is sickening, nauseating; I withdrew inside myself, shut down and detached somehow to perform; many times I envisioned that it was my mother and stepfather begging us to beat them, and I still feel sick in that as time progressed, I started looking forward to going there.

Another group rented both Peggy and me to make "demonstration" films; films about how to seduce a child successfully and get the child to particpate; what to say to the child to ensure silence; how to stimulate various parts of the child's body; and not just the genitalia - ribs, backs, legs, neck to some extent; lips, nipples, anus much more.

That group had us strip and lay down on a bed that had nothing but hospital-white sheets on it; the man and woman would then stimulate various parts of our bodies while speaking matter-of-factly about what they were doing and the results they were getting. Part of their "demonstration" was how to prepare young bodies for "safe" penetration by adults - followed by the penetration.

One person from that group was involved with another group that rented us; that group sodomized and raped us, and also urinated and defecated on us during the rapes, forcing us to drink and eat it - and, themselves drinking and eating. This same group was involved with bestiality; sex with dogs - and we were forced to perform oral sex on and mate with the dogs.

One much older woman only wanted to rent me for the sole purpose of being her personal attendant. She had me wash her - all of her - when she showered. No sex; just washing and rinsing, followed by brushing out her hair. When that was completed, she would lay on the bed nude, and my job was to stroke her gently all over her neck, back, and sides literally for hours - fingertips just barely touching her skin. It didn't matter to her that my arms cramped after a while - I was not allowed to speak at all.

A very old woman - probably in her late sixties or early seventies - was another one who rented just me; calling me her "little sex slave"; she too did not allow me to speak. She wanted sex - oral sex, intercourse, anal penetration - and when that was done to her satisfaction, she would perform oral sex on me repeatedly until I hurt severely enough that I could no longer achieve an erection.

This woman rented me several times as a "treat" for some of her female friends. I was ordered to strip and get into the bed in the guest bedroom and go to sleep. I was always woken up later by a nude woman getting into the bed with me - and I was expected to do exactly whatever I was told; the only way I was allowed to "communicate" was by drawing out the letters of the words on their backs. These "guests" also called me their "little sex slave".

One very young woman that rented me is one for whom I still feel sad. She did not want sex at all, but only wanted to hold me as she fell asleep. The third time she rented me, I awoke during the night, and; since she was in bed with me dressed only in a very thin nightgown, I thought it was my "duty" to "service" her - she woke up quickly, and gently, quietly told me that she did not want sex from me or with me - and that she only wanted to sleep with me because she'd lost her own son when he was six years old. She never rented me again after that. Strangely enough, I was never punished for that failure.

The other main group that rented us used us for pornography; both stills and movies - forcing us to have sex with each other, with adults; taking pictures of us performing cunnilingus and fellatio; laughing as we choked, our mouths and throats full of semen - focusing the cameras on my butt as semen leaked out, on my sister's vagina as the men withdrew; filming us as we were forced to have sex with other children, insert "toys" in each other's orifices.

There was no way out for us at all.

I learned to endure, survive the horror and sickness by shutting my emotions down completely, by somehow automating the tasks I was ordered to do and retreating deep within myself where I was only dimly aware of what was going on; yet at another level ruthlessly keeping track of everything that was done.

Over the months, that ability to box away the nausea, pain, and dizziness became easier and easier; the ability to detach from what was going on at one level, efficiently perform my duties at another, and memorize every detail at yet at another level - is the only thing that enabled me to survive.

After each "rental", we were always questioned thoroughly - which further motivated me to memorize everything - and they reminded us brutally of the penalties should we ever say anything to anyone; rewarding us for "jobs well done" with dinners out, movies, toys, trips to parks and boardwalks.

There was only one light in all this darkness for us - there was one "renter", a middle-aged man, who "rented" all three of us about once every other month, always on a Sunday afternoon.

The first time he picked us up, he told us as he drove off with us that he knew what we were rented out for - but that he did not want any of that. He also told us to tell our grandfather everything he did with us; literally everything - since he knew our grandfather questioned us anyway.

He took us to parks, to the beach; took us on picnics, barbecued for us; took us to stores to buy us small toys and clothes - and never once abused us in any way.

Each time, on the way home, he always stopped at an A&W Root Beer stand and got us each a root beer float.

To this day, A&W Root Beer floats are my favorite float.

And, when we got home and were questioned by my grandfather Art, we told him the truth - and Art simply said "good", letting us keep the toys and clothes this man bought for us.

One time I asked the man why he treated us the way he did; and he looked at me and very quietly said "I cannot have children."

The one light in all that darkness - the one very sad and lonely light.

The Child Predators: 1956-1959